I came across a worried father whose forehead was wrinkled because her daughter had her wedding next month and the poor man had no money to afford the wedding.
We are so lost in the glitz and glamor of this world that we have started pleasing people more than the Almighty. Like the other pillars of Islam, Nikah also holds considerable importance which we often forget and blend it with fallacious acts like music, singing or dancing.
Unfortunately, we do all these to please society and to fit in the ‘LOG KIA KAHENGE’ frame. This is because of the dearth of knowledge in this realm which makes us commit sins unknowingly.
When nikah is all about turning a new leaf in the light of Islam and the teachings of the Quran and Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H), then why do we overstress ourselves by adding too much decor than required?
In this blog, I’ll share some essential dos and don’ts of Nikah which I gained after reading “Islami Shadi by Dawate Islami.”
Do: Keep Your Intentions Positive
Don’t do nikah because you need a woman at your side, do it because you want to protect your faith from vicious acts and lead a life as Allah has said so.
Don’t do it because you need a woman to manage your home chores and help your mother in reducing her burden, do it because you’re able to take the responsibility of the woman morally and financially.
Nikah is the halal way of growing your family and Allah loves nikah. He fills your life with Baraka if you do it with positive intentions.
If you think you can manage your spouse in your wages, do nikah as soon as you can. Delaying the process just because you aren’t well settled and don’t own 4-wheelers is an utterly wrong act and Allah doesn’t encourage it at all.
Nikah prevents you from indulging into wrongdoings and distance you from Shaitan. Also, having a partner on your side who cares for you and cater your needs makes your life meaningful and add years to your lives.
If you have a house to live and a job which don’t let you starve then do nikah. You’ll see a positive change in your financial situation after your nikah but don’t keep this as intention. Allah has promised to increase your financial gains after you perform nikah with halal intentions.
So, never think your life will become poverty-stricken when a partner will be added to your life.
Take this verse for reference:
Do: Approach the Person You Like
If you’ve someone in your life who you’ve imagined as your partner, then there’s no harm in marrying them. Islam is a moderate religion. It has given you the rights to choose your partner. If your parents are forcing you to marry the person they choose for you, then sit with them and discuss the matter.
But don’t go against your parents, there might be some good reason for rejecting the person as your spouse. Always speak your heart out and discuss, it’s better than regretting later.
Try to balance both sides to start a peaceful journey with your spouse.
Don’t: Judge by Appearance
If you’re getting approached by a person who don’t have a beautiful face and a perfect body, never make it the reason for rejection. After you nikah, you don’t have to spend your life with beauty but instead the heart.
If the person is good by nature, has a fear of Allah and follow Islamic practices, then consider him/her and neglect the appearance. Allah will reward you for this.
Always see if your life partner is learned religiously because a learned and educated partner will not only add Baraka to your life but will also stand by you through all the hardships.
Do: Choose a Mosque for Nikah
It’s not necessary, but it’s good if you choose a mosque for it. Like we all perform prayers, Taraweeh, Milad and all the religious worships in masjid so why not nikah?
Don’t: Arrange Musical Nights, Dance and Overspend
Have you ever perform Salah with music? Nauzubillah!
So, why do we dance and sing before nikah? And why do we applause people who are doing such acts?
Nikah is Islamic worship, don’t couple it with music and dance, it’s strongly prohibited. Also there’s no such saying that you should please people by entertaining them. Just do it with simplicity and remember what Allah has asked you to do.
Don’t spend all your savings on the act which can be done in a small amount. Say no to:
- Buffet Culture: It’s only a waste of food and money.
- Standing Dinners: In Islam, it’s strictly prohibited to eat or drink while standing. It’s also not good for health.
- Fireworks: Don’t mesmerize your special day with Fireworks, Allah doesn’t like it all. It also unease the people in your surroundings.
- Singing & Dancing: Remember what you do today will be followed by your children tomorrow, so refrain from singing and dancing on your blissful day.
A Note to Parents
- Give your children the rights to choose their partner. Don’t force them into marriages where they aren’t happy. It can become the cause of destruction later. Seek their permission before tying their knots. It’s Important!
- Don’t let your younger child wait because you’re not done with the marriage of your elder child. There’s no such thing in Islam. If marriage is getting in favor of younger child first, do it. Remember you plan and Allah plans, and indeed Allah is the best planner.
- If your child wants the wedding to be simple, support him/her instead of bragging them in the limelight.
- The dowry culture isn’t appreciated; if the In-Laws are demanding for dowry, please don’t consider them as they’ll keep asking even after your daughter gets married. And if you’re bringing daughter-in-law home, please don’t demand dowry to them. Doing so will not only increase you in the status but you’ll also get successful in setting a good example for the society.
Make it as a wedding, not a contract.
A Note to Wives
Your husbands are the bread earner of the family; you never know the struggles they went through to earn a livelihood for you and your children. So, respect them and try to keep your home peaceful.
Always do things which he likes and leave the things which he don’t appreciate. If he’s not earning more, never force him do bring you more and do more but instead appreciate him that he’s earning halal for you. He can indulge in haram ways of earning if you constantly pressurize him for money.
Money isn’t everything, but Peace is.
A Note to Husbands
Always remember that your wife has left everything to be with you, her home, lifestyle, habits, and hobbies. Give her time to mold in your family rituals and support her. If she’s mistaken, instead of scolding, discuss politely. Never abuse your spouse, our Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) never did that.
If she has some flaws, ignore her by thinking that she does so much efforts to keep you happy if you ignore this specific flaw, she’ll like it and this might strengthen the bond between you two.
If she’s a working lady, recognize her struggles and give her space to tackle things her way. And even if she owns a million bucks, give her some pocket money from your salary. This will not only add Baraka to your salary but will raise your status in her eyes.
Marriage is a beautiful relation, if you give your heart and soul in building it, you’ll reap the fruits not only on earth but also in heaven. Remember the way you’d live today, your children will be following it tomorrow. So, make sure you become the best role model for them.
I am leaving you with good thoughts. I hope you enjoy reading this blog. Feel free to add your valuable feedback in the comments section below.